It seems that lately I’ve let life get in the way and have put what’s important to me on a back burner. I’m talking about finishing my weight loss journey and dropping into a maintenance level.
I’m sure not kidding anyone when I say “lately”; this happened after last year’s heart scare. I was clicking along, doing all the right things, everything was looking great.
My workout routine wasn’t boring, my diet was manageable and healthy, and the final twenty was finally edging towards the homestretch. I had magic jeans in my closet in ‘that tiny size that I’ve NEVER fit ‘ actually fit my body comfortably!
And then I went in for my annual check up.
The doc heard a murmur which a specialist diagnosed as “moderate to severe aortic stenosis”.
Can one be scared into a heart attack? Me, who has an imagination that works overdrive (heck, that’s why I’m a writer!), went from zero to sixty in less time than it took me to write this just now! And this, even though I had been feeling fine until that diagnosis!
I imagined all kinds of scenarios and made end-of-life plans. I cried a lot. Even now I tear up at the agenda I canceled, the decisions I made. And Why couldn’t I have that extra bread or that cupcake? Scroll social media vs. stroll with the new puppy? I thought if I exercised, I’d stress my failing heart and end what was left of my life sooner than I wanted to go. I made my peace with God (just in case I hadn’t beforehand).
So the weight began to creep back up, yes, the scale that was becoming a friend, turned its back on me.
“Liar!”
I’d glare at it when it was time to weigh-in.
But then the very clothes that I’d never been able to fit into, those magically sized jeans that looked so small on the hanger that actually fit my body, became tight. And heart condition or no heart condition, I didn’t want that to happen.
So here’s how I’m handling it now.
For heart health, for better or worse, my exercise schedule has been put back on the forefront of my daily agenda. Eating healthy has resumed and the scale is once again acknowledging my efforts. I’m taking it one day at a time. Sometimes it’s a matter of just getting through a few struggling afternoon snack minutes and hoping that at the end of the day, I can check off today as a success.
I have a follow-up cardiologist appointment in two weeks. Here’s hoping my efforts are not in vain.
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