Feeling Bankrupt

Today is one of those days where I simply do not want to answer my phone, because invariably it will be someone who wants something from me, and today I am empty, bankrupt.

Ever felt that way, as if everyone wants everything you’ve got or wants to dump all their drama, woes, problems, issues on you?

Me feeling this way is of course my fault – I have let my own resources be depleted so much that guilt fills the empty spaces and I’m left with something stagnant.

So this morning I turned off my phone and went to church. Lately I’ve been asking myself just why I feel as if I need to connect with others who have similar beliefs, but this morning I found the answer when I connected with God and filled this emptiness inside me with His peace. Others around me smiled at me when I entered but didn’t approach me, and I was more than okay with that; I needed both the comradery and the solitude in the sanctuary of the church I found. This afternoon I’m still feeling it, but also feel as if I’m in a vulnerable place. It will be way too easy to slip back into my bankruptcy and feel the emptiness once more, so I’m guarding myself against the dragon of negativity until I feel as if I can slay it once again. Not sure if that’s going to be today or even in the next week, but there it is.