A Loss Is A Loss

Who can define just how we should feel when we lose someone, or for that matter, for how long? A loss is a loss; some deal with it differently than others, only showing the tears or hurt or sadness behind closed doors. Others (like me), wear our pain out in the open, as if by doing so, the sunlight will heal it. I can tell you, it doesn’t. I cannot hide it – you will hear it in my voice, see it on my face and it will show in my actions. How long, you may ask, will I mourn the loss? It’s hard to say. I have days where life is good; I’m happily puttering around the house and yard, taking care of business, and then there are some days when a sight, smell, or sound will take me back to the moment I felt the loss. Those events will stop me in my tracks, and I am sucked back into the moment. These moments also give me regrets and the “what-if’s”. Regrets that I didn’t call, didn’t write, didn’t say the right things, didn’t follow through with a thought or action that would have given me some absolution with the loss, what if I had _____________ (insert any action here that would make this pain lessen). And I feel the loss all over again as if it just happened.

So, I’ll carry on, puttering around my house and garden, coping with the idea that my departed loved ones are never far from my thoughts. And I’ll reach out to those who are still near and dear to me and let them know I love them and am here for them if they need me.